|Phyllis Diller, 1917-2012|
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."
"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
"The only time I ever enjoyed ironing is the day I accidently got gin in the steam iron."
"My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me."