Questions Every Twentysomething Asks Themselves

I came across an article yesterday on Marie Claire's website titled 23 Questions Every Twentysomething Asks Herself Once. As a twentysomething girl (sadly for not much longer!) I was laughing and relating to a few of the things on this list. Here are my faves (the questions and Marie Claire's answers):

Should I get rid of my cable to be more productive? You could, but you will just end up binge watching Scandal on Netflix or at a friend's house. Don't fight it.

Can I cut out carbs for good, forever? Go ahead. Try it. “Would you like some bread for the table, ma'am?” Yeah, I thought so.
 
Am I lactose intolerant? Nope, you probably just ate a full-sized log of goat cheese and expected to feel awesome afterwards.
 
Is my best female friend going to be more successful/happier/better off than me? Mine once told me: "Someday soon I’m going to be pushing a stroller around Brooklyn, and I really want you to be doing that at the same time, but it won't happen if you keep being so picky!" I did not take it well.

Is Cup o’ Soup a food group? No. Okay, and am I going to get scurvy if I subsist entirely on Cup o’ Soup? Probably.

Am I too old for this party? Is the floor sticky? You just answered your own question.

Should I get bangs? Just kidding, we never stop asking ourselves this question. Ancient womankind asked it on cave walls with crude finger-paintings of bang styles.

Should I date a guy who is still in college? I think there's a way to apply my sticky-floor theory from 2 questions ago to boys.

Am I ready for a dog? If you are, for the love of God, get a rescue. 

 

Does this crop-top make me look like I'm trying to be Rihanna? Haha, kind of. Should I return it? No, keep it!

 

Am I going to change my mind about Team Angel or Team Spike now that I am watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer as a grown-ass woman? Do not even; I have feelings on top of feelings on top of more feelings about this, like a dangerously-sloping layer cake of feelings. 

 

Should I be online dating? If you can own it without shame, absolutely. Those people who do it and then say they met their boyfriend through "mutual friends" need to get off my lawn.

Happy Thursday!

Note: that picture has nothing to do with anything - it just made me smile.

Case of the Mondays...

At the start of this week, or any week, how did you feel? Did you feel like you were having surprise, having a "case of the Mondays"? Well surprise! A case of the Mondays is a real thing, especially with us ladies!

In an article of Marie Claire magazine I learned about a U.S. study that looked into the days, times, and occasions when women feel their most and least attractive. Not a huge surprise, Monday is the day we want to look in the mirror the least. The reasoning? Firstly the obvious: it marks the start of a brand new work-week. But it is also linked to Monday showing the most "effects" of our weekend social activities! Sunday comes in second place on the "ugly day" scale. My guess is it's second and not first because we are not required to do anything such as dress up, socialize, or go out if we don't want to... Sunday Funday is ours right?!

Our best day where we feel most attractive? Well that day is today: Thursday! You are approaching the end of your work week and are mentally preparing for whatever your weekend holds. It's no wonder! How do you feel today? I feel mighty good :) 

Do you suffer from a case of the Mondays? I'm usually not too bad but I definitely do like Thursday better!

Wednesday Wisdom

This Wednesday I wanted to share an article that made it's way around Facebook yesterday - so you may have seen it already... 

The article is called "How to Get Flat Abs, Have Amazing Sex and Rule the World in 8 Easy Steps". It's genius in that it talks about how magazines and ads promote and promise these things that we're always looking for to be happy - also meaning we're not happy until we've achieved these things. As the author Kate Bartolotta states: "We chase this idea of "I will be happy when... " - I will be happy when I have a new car. I will be happy when I get married. I will be happy when I get a better job. I will be happy when I lose five pounds. What if instead we choose to be happy -- right now?"

Her argument? By simply reading the article your life is good. You can see, you're likely in a sheltered area of sorts, you have access to the internet, etc etc.  

The full article can be found here, or read on to see her 8 tips to embrace how awesome life is: 

1. Stop believing your bullshit.
All that stuff you tell yourself about how you are a commitment phobe or a coward or lazy or not creative or unlucky? Stop it. It's bullshit, and deep down you know it. We are all insecure 14 year olds at heart. We're all scared. We all have dreams inside of us that we've tucked away because somewhere along the line we tacked on those ideas about who we are that buried that essential brilliant, childlike sense of wonder. The more we stick to these scripts about who we are, the longer we live a fraction of the life we could be living. Let it go. Be who you are beneath the bullshit.

2. Be happy now.
Not because The Secret says so. Not because of some shiny happy Oprah crap. But because we can choose to appreciate what is in our lives instead of being angry or regretful about what we lack. It's a small, significant shift in perspective. It's easier to look at what's wrong or missing in our lives and believe that is the big picture -- but it isn't. We can choose to let the beautiful parts set the tone.
 
3. Look at the stars.
It won't fix the economy. It won't stop wars. It won't give you flat abs, or better sex or even help you figure out your relationship and what you want to do with your life. But it's important. It helps you remember that you and your problems are both infinitesimally small and conversely, that you are a piece of an amazing and vast universe. I do it daily -- it helps.

4. Let people in.
Truly. Tell people that you trust when you need help, or you're depressed -- or you're happy and you want to share it with them. Acknowledge that you care about them and let yourself feel it. Instead of doing that other thing we sometimes do, which is to play it cool and pretend we only care as much as the other person has admitted to caring, and only open up half way. Go all in -- it's worth it.

5. Stop with the crazy making.
I got to a friend's doorstep the other day, slightly breathless and nearly in tears after getting a little lost, physically and existentially. She asked what was wrong and I started to explain and then stopped myself and admitted, "I'm being stupid and have decided to invent lots of problems in my head." Life is full of obstacles; we don't need to create extra ones. A great corollary to this one is from The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz: Don't take things personally. Most of the time, other people's choices and attitudes have absolutely nothing to do with you. Unless you've been behaving like a jerk, in which case...

6. Learn to apologize.
Not the ridiculous, self-deprecating apologizing for who you are and for existing that some people seem to do (what's up with that, anyway?). The ability to sincerely apologize -- without ever interjecting the word "but" -- is an essential skill for living around other human beings. If you are going to be around other people, eventually you will need to apologize. It's an important practice.

7. Practice gratitude.
Practice it out loud to the people around you. Practice it silently when you bless your food. Practice it often. Gratitude is not a first world only virtue. I saw a photo recently, of a girl in abject poverty, surrounded by filth and destruction. Her face was completely lit up with joy and gratitude as she played with a hula hoop she'd been given. Gratitude is what makes what we have enough. Gratitude is the most basic way to connect with that sense of being an integral part of the vastness of the universe; as I mentioned with looking up at the stars, it's that sense of wonder and humility, contrasted with celebrating our connection to all of life.

8. Be kind.
Kurt Vonnegut said it best (though admittedly, and somewhat ashamedly -- I am not a Vonnegut fan): "There's only one rule that I know of, babies -- 'God damn it, you've got to be kind.'"
Kindness costs us nothing and pays exponential dividends. I can't save the whole world. I can't bring peace to Syria. I can't fix the environment or the health care system, and from the looks of it, I may end up burning my dinner.
But I can be kind.
If the biggest thing we do in life is to extend love and kindness to even one other human being, we have changed the world for the better.

And from me: love your life, because even when it's bad, life is good!

Source: The Huffington Post

Are Girlfriends the New Husbands?

Seeing that article title in last month’s issue of Marie Claire caused me to be curious, but before reading it I also felt like I knew what the article was likely about. And I was right. In a time where there are more single women than ever (a record 46 percent of adults 25 to 34 are unmarried) and women are staying single longer (the average age of a bride has risen 3 years to 27), you’ve got to think how without the companionship of a spouse and everything that comes with it, what are women doing to fill that gap. Significant others definitely serve a purpose, but in the mean time, perhaps most of that purpose can be filled with the camaraderie of your best girl friend. I mean the definition of camaraderie is "a spirit of familiarity and trust existing between friends". The article says, "As we move away from early marriage, when a woman's life isn't all wrapped up by age 30, friends play a role somewhere between spouse and therapist." As a single girl I can definitely relate to this. I mean, you've been together for years, share the highs and lows, support each other, probably accompany each other as dates to various occasions - without a significant other we invest a lot of time in these friendships. We check up on each other. We take care of each other. I just thought it was super interesting to see it in print because until then, I'd not actually thought about it, and definitely wouldn't think of it as a trend.  

The article also provided examples of how society has ALWAYS been fascinated by the bond of best girlfriends: from Laverne and Shirley, Thelma and Louise, Romy and Michele, Rachel and Monica, to the most recent Hannah and Marnie (on Girls in case you’re not familiar). This transcends into real life too. Think about Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosting the Golden Globes. They are both strong and funny women where either one could have done the job on their own, but everyone was excited to see them, see their friendship and their ease in real life. It’s almost like the new power couple in way! One of my favourite lines from Sex and the City is from the second last episode where Mr. Big is in the coffee shop talking to Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte about Carrie and says, “You three know her better than anyone, you're the loves of her life. And a guy's just lucky to come in fourth.” We’ve always known that friendships are important and special, but this is also why I think it’s important to appreciate and nurture the few that make your life the best it can be. Life is not a popularity contest. It's not about how many friends you have, but (kind of like a significant other) about finding that special one, or two, or in the case of Sex and the City, three that emulate that of a companion. The ones you can’t live without! 

I thought this article was a nice reminder, that just because we might be single, we are never alone. I will end with another favourite quote from Sex and the City said by Charlotte to the other girls, ''Maybe we can be each other's soul mates, and then we can let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.''

Phone Etiquette Game

The other weekend we had a surprise party for a friend, and the way we delayed her arrival was by another friend saying she left her phone at home and had to go back to get it. Left her phone at home. Of course upon hearing that one would understand the urgency of having to return to retrieve it! But if you really think about it, isn't that a little crazy? Leaving your phone at home is A) a problem in the first place and B) worthy of stopping everything to go get it. Our world has changed, big time! Everyone has got a cell phone that they have with them always.

While reading the December Marie Claire, I came upon a whole section that had to do with phone etiquette which I thought was very interesting and important. With this changing world, some traditional manners seem to have gone out the window - maybe it's time to bring them back. Traditionally, when hosting friends, if you home phone would ring most people might ignore it (unless of course a guest was MIA). Well would you answer your cell phone at this same party? Would you answer a text? This is no different. The world will survive for the amount of time it takes to have a dinner party. Same for going out. Your home phone is not there so you would have to check your messages when you return. A cell phone should be the same. There's always that ONE person though who can't seem to let go. The first person to pick up their phone.  Enter: Cell Phone Roulette. The games rules are as follows:

1. Hand over your phone: when you sit down all phones are stacked face-down in the middle of the table. 
2. Ignore the noise: if you hear a buzz, ring, or ping, ignore it. Stay strong. Who exactly do you think you are that you have to answer? Don't flatter yourself. Be strong. Also, turning off noises might help. Word to the wise, vibrate is not equal to silent. In fact, it can be the most annoying of all notifications. Ever hear a phone vibrate on a table? Awful.
3. You cave, you lose: first person to reach for their phone loses. If you're at home, you do the dishes or some other agreed upon punishment. If you're out, you got the bill.
4. Or Share the victory: split the check or the chores, and when you do check your phone after all is said and done, notice that the world is still turning. 

I say give it a go this holiday season! 

iPhone Madness

Your phone, my phone, we (almost) all have an iPhone! Okay, this might not be exactly true but man oh man, there are A LOT of iPhones out there.

This post is somewhat in honour of the iPhone 5 announcements and hoopla this week. It's also a little bit because in this past year that I've had my iPhone I've been watching the majority of my friends and family, slowly but surely, switch over to an iPhone. It's incredible! This made me curious: with all the smart phones offered today, how many iPhones are there? Or, with all the different versions out there, how many iPhones have been sold, ever. I found my answer in an article from February of this year, and the answer from that not-so-recent article is 180 million. Whoa, right?! Let's also point out that we are talking 180 million in 5 years... double WHOA!

Just recently, I saw another article that was talking about the iPhone 5 launch date approaching, and they were breaking down just how valuable the iPhone was too Apple's success. Did you know that the iPhone division of Apple is worth more than all of Microsoft? The iPhone generated more sales than ALL of Microsoft over the last year. I don't even know what to say but wow. 

via CNNMoney

With the launch of the iPhone 5, Apple has lowered the price on its previous 4 and 4S versions, as well as removing the 3S from it's lineup entirely. If you want an iPhone, the time is now. 

Do you have an iPhone? Are you like me where you have no idea how you survived without one? :)

A Beautiful Thing...

Kellie Pickler. I know her as the cute country singer who started on American Idol and carried on to be successful in her own right. I also think she is just as sweet as can be after seeing her interviewed on Ellen. Right now, she might be my favourite celebrity, and one of my favourtie people in general. 

Summer & Kellie

On Wednesday I saw an article about Kellie Pickler shaving her head - shaving her long blonde gorgeous locks - in support of her best friend who is battling cancer. I found this story, or rather this act, to be extremely powerful. Very moving.  

That is friendship. That is love.

Her friend, Summer Holt Miller, (who is 36 and was diagnosed in June) said, “If this compels even one person to change their mentality toward waiting until the age of 40 for their mammogram, then it will be worth it.” 

I hope this story makes you smile, makes you think, and makes you not take a single thing for granted.

Save Your Brain, Don't Complain!

I think it is safe to assume that there is someone in each of our lives who complains a lot, or never stops complaining, and they probably annoy you from time to time. What I bet you didn’t know, is that they are turning your brain to mush… actually!

A recent tweet I came across sent me to an article that discusses how listening to complainers is bad for your brain; that this exposure to negativity actually affects your brain function. Weird right? But also kind of makes sense.  Whenever I’m around a negative person, or see a negative comment on social media, I definitely have an adverse reaction. I am not a fan of negativity. Isn’t it a waste of energy? That being said, we all have the odd bad day or bad luck, but those are exceptions, whereas some people appear to CREATE a bad day out of a seemingly common situation. 

So back to the article, in studies done on brain activity using different stimuli, the brain was found to act like a muscle and “if you’re pinned in a corner for too long listening to someone being negative, you’re more likely to behave that way as well.” Yes, this makes sense. It’s hard to be happy when someone else just keeps raining on the parade of life. Another interesting finding was that complaining, whether in person or on TV, can even make you dumb. It apparently peels away neurons in the brain’s hippocampus (yup, hippocampus!) which is “the part of your brain you need for problem solving… basically, it turns your brain to mush.” 

Another thing worth noting is that there is a difference between a complaining and something constructive, like feedback that may be negative. People who complain aren’t necessarily looking for a solution. You can go ahead and ask them “so what are you going to do about it” and they might answer with a blank stare (or more complaining). 

I am a lucky girl in that I don’t really have many “complainers” in my life. I know this is a conscious decision on my part. I definitely distance myself from them.  As I said before we ALL have our bad days but we do something about it, or at least change our mindset. What’s not normal is the resistance to do so. 

If you’re stuck with someone who is just complaining for the sake of complaining, and isn’t looking to fix it, the article suggests that you distance yourself. Or drink some wine to protect your brain from what they’re saying… oh wait, that’s my suggestion. Let’s all remember whatever challenges come our way, LIFE IS GOOD. 

Shoe Study = Shoe Revelations

Last week on the radio, I heard about a study that said men don’t notice when women wear heels. I went online in search of this study and didn’t find anything that was recent, but did see a Huffington Post study from 2010 that came to the very same conclusion. The idea that men don’t notice women in heels (versus flats) had me outraged – I mean, OF COURSE THEY DO! But I am a woman after all, and the whole “He’s Just Not That Into You” premise is about how women can sometimes believe what they want to believe about men, and make up excuses too. 

After coming to that rational realization I started thinking… does it even matter? Do I care if a man notices my heels or at the fact that I'm not in flats? Let’s be honest, it would be nice, but overall my answer is no. My shoes are for me. Maybe I care a little bit about my female friends. Even a bit for strangers/general public (compliments from strangers actually happen a fair amount, especially when I’m rocking a bold colour). Men kind of fall at the bottom of my list (not that it's a long list) of who I have in mind when I wear a pair of hot new heels. 

So then I further broke down my love of shoes and why they are so important to me: picture wearing a favourite pair of skinny jeans, a basic loose white t-shirt, and a wicked pair of bright or strappy heels. BAM! Your casual outfit is now on a whole other level! A good pair of heels are the ultimate accessory. And I can feel unstoppable in them. What else matters?

Disclaimer: With all this talk about heels I feel like I should mention that I totally do wear flats and love them, but sometimes nothing is better then great pair of heels :)

FOMO

When you're invited out with friends or co-workers do you always say yes? What if you're tired or simply don't want to? If you do decline, do you feel a little anxious and find yourself thinking about what might be happening? If any of this sounds familiar, perhaps you have FOMO - fear of missing out. This weekend as I was flipping through the recent issue of Marie Claire, I read an article that I thought was really interesting and addressed this issue. FOMO is described as "the latest syndrome plaguing do-it-all women... the nagging fear that everyone else is in on something that they're not". 

My poolside reading material.

I then thought about whether or not I had it, I decided the answer was no. If I've had a long week and am tired, or the weather is bad (read: snow - it is my driving nemesis), then I don't hesitate for a second about declining and invitation. Do I think about what might have been? For a second I might. Do I feel like I'm missing out? No, because other chances will arise and if there was something to miss out on, I'm sure someone will loop me in! I can however, identify some people in my life that I think might have it. People that always have to be somewhere, with someone, doing something. They never say no or turn something down. And if they do, you can feel their regret in doing so. For some people though, staying busy and doing everything is in their nature. For me, that just sounds stressful.

The article suspects, and I tend to agree, that this age of technology and social media is mostly responsible for turning FOMO from a thought or feeling, into an actual problem. I mean, let's be honest, back in the day you knew your friends/co-workers/whomever were getting together, but you wouldn't have to see it happen through live social streaming! All those status'. All those photos. 

In the article, Jessica Chivers, author and life coach says the root of the problem can be the number of choices we have today, which isn't always a good thing: "When presented with lots of choices, we become much less efficient at making decisions and less happy with the decisions we make. If I put you in a supermarket aisle with nine different types of cornflakes, you would enjoy your breakfast less than if you had to buy the only brand they stocked."

I think the most important thing at the end of the day is taking care of you. If you feel stressed or like you have a lot going on, just break away and do what you want to do! Whether it's with others or just you and a good book it's the right choice because it was your choice. Now, where's my glass of wine...